If young were sufficiently independent and, so to speak, with the acquaintance and the care their preferences at the level of the company of contemporaries explained, then matchmaking was the affair of entire family. The basic task of bride-shows and matchmaking were the conclusion of property understandings, the determination of the economic basis of new reject. Matchmaker usually became father or elderly relative of youth, the cross, respected friend of family. Sufficiently long ago, for example, in Italy, Germany, Switzerland appeared professional/occupational matchmakers, mediators. Less frequent with matchmaking dealt elderly women. Matchmaking was frequently accomplished secretly so that in the case of failure it would be possible to avoid undesirable publicity. For the ritual of matchmaking are characteristic of symbolism. Matchmakers in the allegorical form voiced the desire of youth to take in wife girl from the house, which they as "randomly" visited. In each locality there was a system of arbitrary symbols, which substituted express agreement by the reject or, all the more, failure.
Thus, in some regions of Germany, they regaled the desired matchmaker by pie, unwanted - they invited to clean potato. In Spain as the symbol of failure could serve carried out matchmakers the pumpkin (the same custom it was encountered in Belorussia, in the Ukraine).
In the case of positive answer after the matchmaking followed engagement, betrothal. Practically, engagement was already the conclusion of reject. The gap of relations after engagement was condemned, it could be accompanied by the payment of "forfeit" to "damaged side". However, with respect to the life of young after engagement customs it is sufficiently strongly separated. Thus, the peasant families of Westphalia young already after engagement entered in the conjugal relations. But here in Italy those betrothed could be encountered and converse only in the house of bride, under the care of her parents.